Protecting your identity as a carer
Working with carers every day means we get to know some of the common challenges they face. One of the main ones is feeling like they are losing sight of themselves.
When you look after someone else, you do it with a sense of compassion and a deep commitment. But sometimes, that role can take over everything else in your life if you don’t take steps to protect your own identity.
Hobbies, friendships, jobs and even your own sense of individuality can take a backseat, which in turn can have a massive impact on your mental health.
Identity gives us a sense of purpose, confidence, and belonging. It shapes how we see ourselves and how we connect with the world around us. When caring responsibilities dominate every part of life, carers may begin to feel disconnected from their old life, isolated from friends and guilty for taking time for themselves.
Many carers we speak to say they sometimes feel invisible. There can sometimes be an unhealthy view that carers have to put themselves last in order to be doing the job properly. But it’s really important to maintain a sense of your own identity and remember that you are a human being with dreams and goals and needs.
Here are some tips for protecting your identity as a carer:
1. Stay connected to the things you enjoy
If you liked gardening, crafts or walking before you were a carer, don’t give these things up. You may have less free time than you used to, but even taking small moments for yourself can make a huge difference. Consistency matters more than duration.
Ask yourself:
- What did I enjoy before caring became my main responsibility?
- What activities make me feel like “me” again?
2. Maintain relationships outside of caring
Following on from the point above, when your routines revolve around someone else’s life it’s important to keep in touch with friends, family and even community groups so that you have emotional support. It also helps you to maintain a sense of perspective when you have relationships where you talk about things other than caring. Try to schedule in regular catch ups or join some groups in North Tyneside. If you would like to know more about our groups then get in touch.
3. Set some goals
While you are caring for someone, it is important to have your own life. One of the things that can help is setting small goals for yourself. Or big ones. Depending on how you are feeling. This could be looking for flexible work opportunities, studying part time, planning a side project, getting back into painting. Having goals outside of caring gives you hope and motivation.
4. Set boundaries
You might feel guilty for saying no to someone but boundaries are even more important for carers. Without them, you can easily become overwhelmed. Remember, no is a full sentence. Some examples of boundaries are asking family members to share responsibilities, taking regular breaks, protecting your time and seeking help when you need it.
5. Talk about your feelings
It might be “easier” to suppress difficult emotions because you think you need to be strong. But caring can bring a range of emotions including guilt and frustration. Try to talk openly with friends and family, or even support groups, about how you are feeling. You will find other people are in the same boat and you will feel better for having talked about it.
One of the most important things carers can remember is this: your wellbeing matters.
You are a person with your own identity, needs, personality, and life.
If you need support, get in touch with North Tyneside Carers’ Centre.
0191 2496480